Have you ever wondered who you really are, or have just kinda known that whoever you seem to be right now doesn’t really resonate with that inner, bright sparkly you?
I have thought for years that maybe my natural state was pessimism: even as a kid it seemed not only did I march to a different drummer but also that I had my own personal thundercloud following me around.
I’m starting to think maybe that’s a load of crap. Maybe it’s a natural defense system I don’t really need or a wholly outdated belief system that needs an overhaul. It doesn’t really fit me anymore, and maybe I can let it go.
Yes, truthfully a lot of my childhood sucked. Life is challenging and can be difficult. I have had whole months I wanted to cry and hide under my bed or break things or yell – even in the last year. I’ve been to the brink of thinking my world was ending, and frankly even my life.
But the world hasn’t broken me. It goes on and I go on, moving from challenge to the next, uncurling from the fetal position, opening my eyes and standing once again. And even when it hurts like hell something in me sees the truth of it: in the midst of anything we go through we have choices on how we decide to see things.
I’m making different choices. The me that chooses to to see the beauty and seeks to do something amazing is right there. The me that chooses to forgive for my own sake and refuses to care so much what others think is emerging.
2015 is going to be my year of becoming. This vast, amazing world has so much to offer me and I want to be a part of that cosmic connectedness and own my space in it. I am done being afraid, because short of death there is nothing that should have the power to stop me from being the most amazing, kick-ass me there ever was. It all starts with two little words:
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