First, let me just say….ow. I can’t walk straight. My legs are wobbling, it hurts to stand up, my arse feels like it’s broken and I’m writing this in a bathtub I may not be able to exit. I’m back … Continue reading
The Queen of Babysteps…Again
Category Archives: weight issues
My Life-Changing Reads of 2015
2015 was an amazing year for me in many ways. It was, as all years are, imperfect. But the most life-changing and best parts of this last year all really stem from the changes in my mind and my perspective.
To put it simply, my whole world has changed for the better, and it had nothing to do with external circumstance though I believe it is changing them too.
Some of the credit for this goes to falling into some of the following books at some of the most-needed times. They honestly just showed up when I needed to read them most!
If you are going through a tough time, maybe find the world to be more negative than positive, or maybe even just find yourself wanting desperately for your life to be better or even just to believe that it can, here are a few suggestions.
Some of these I listened to as audio books so I could re-listen on my drive to work or while I was doing other things. Others I read first and then downloaded audio. I make it a point to keep listening.
Keep in mind, I have had a strong history of skepticism, negativity, and a tendency to cringe at what seems hokey or overly optimistic. I suggest you adopt an attitude of suspension of belief. Just listen. Be open. Take in what you can and leave the rest.
- You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. Non-religious, easy read.
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne – A little cheesy via audio but worth it.
- The Power of I Am by Joel Osteen . This was a stretch for me: I am particularly suspicious of good-looking, perfect-haired individuals. But this one called to me. It continues to do so and have started listening to the podcasts too.
It is my goal in life to share anything that I find good and helpful for me: the world is filled with amazing people that don’t realize they are amazing. The world is filled with broken spirits. I am imperfect but healing. I want to share that. So if you find this useful, please feel free to pass it on.
May your 2016 be far more than anything you can possibly imagine and beyond. I wish you healing, contentment and a renewed sense of who you are and what you have to give!
Back on the Wagon
It took slightly longer than getting to January 1 to get myself back on the health wagon and drag my butt to the gym. I did, in fact, have to trick myself by scheduling a swimming assessment for my children to force myself back into the building.
Humbly, I looked around at the swank gym, purposeful people moving about their healthy habits and sighed a little: the return walk of shame after you haven’t stepped into a gym in two months isn’t fun, moving a little slower, gym pants tighter, ass just a trifle jigglier.
To make it more fun I had to get into a bathing suit – but I survived.
Today I got on the treadmill and did a slow walk. As I sit here I am drinking my orange, apple, kale, romaine smoothie with dynamic greens thrown in for dinner contemplating what I am going to do differently this time.
This time I am going full balls-out faith. That sounds a little off but I am going with it: Just for today I am going to believe the universe wants me healthy and that my body is conspiring as we speak to excommunicate the 100 extra pounds I am carrying and no longer need to hide me. I am going to do the work and take the steps and believe my body wants this health as much as I do.
Most of all I am going to overcome this subconscious mind that has developed the belief system that I cannot do this. I am going to quash the judging inner voices that tell me I am not good enough and don’t deserve this.
I may be crawling toward my new body but crawl I will until I can run and sprint and fly so fast that out comes the beautiful, slim, powerful woman I am on the inside who no longer has time or energy for her gooey outer shell.
I am a butterfly and this cocoon no longer protects but suffocates and I want to fly free and soar right out of my Nikes.
I’m not just back on the wagon; I’m gonna kick that bitch over and use it for a launch pad.
Amen!
The path of life is sometimes soggy… Walk it anyway.
My brain can be my worst enemy, and has a tendency to go to the dark side (in a less than comic Star Wars sense) and fills itself negative thoughts faster than I can deal with them. I feel emotions strongly, and I am a bit of an empath to boot which means I tend to suck in the emotions of others on top of my own. While I will refrain from labels, it is a struggle to be fighting your own head all of the time while trying to be a career girl, a wife, a mother and a friend. I’ve done everything I can think of through the years to try to deal with it, medically and otherwise, but recently one of my best coping mechanisms has become walking.
While part of my motivation is health – losing weight is a giant struggle. I can eat well, but it take me as long to lose 5 pounds as others can lose 20. My body does not give up its comfy coat readily, and I hypothesize (because the doctors look at me and shrug) this may be because my brain, in dark places, spends a lot of time in panic/anxiety mode. Maybe nature is trying to protect me from the dangers my brain tells it to expect – or hibernate until it all goes away – I don’t know. But what I have decided is that if I am going to be built like a short, boxy bear, I am going to be a healthy one with strong muscles and an ability to walk for miles without rest…and one who is at more peace with herself and her place in life.
This morning I was restless. I was trying to work and I was getting things done but my brain wasn’t cooperating. I decided to check out a nature trail close by for a quick walk…only to find the entrance flooded.
While I stood looking at it – I decided to hell with it and went right through. And yes, my feet are soggy. And I walked over 2 miles through grasses and wildflowers listening to the squish squish on the gravel. I felt insanely proud that I didn’t let it stop me.
Life is hard. Life is messy, and sometimes soggy. But we are tough, and we own towels, and nothing should ever stop us from doing something that will ultimately make us better and bring us peace. God gave us legs and put us in a world with puddles and rain for a reason, and that link with nature should we embrace it, is a powerful antidote to all the stuff that doesn’t really matter – even if it makes your Nikes smell like swamp it is really the smell of victory.
Hiding from Food
I may have mentioned before that I am fat. It’s not much of a secret. I don’t like to use that term, hate it in fact, but it is a medical reality. And I am struggling once again in attempt to fight it.
My inspiration is simple: I don’t want to be this big. I hate it. I sometimes hate me because of it. And that is not a good example to be setting for my kids.
When I went to a doctor recently because I seem to struggle with losing weight – even when I eat the right things, I was put through a battery of tests that basically said there isn’t a darn thing wrong with me. The dietician looked at food logs I presented, then back at me, perplexed.
I absolutely HAD to repost this: this is the type of thing that should go viral, not the latest escapades of the various Kardashians.
I can truly appreciate this – with especial love for “The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat”. Never in my life have I looked at my weight with such a perspective – I am apparently a living, breathing dead-sexy testament to a Horn of Plenty. I’ve never gone hungry unless I’ve chosen to – and there are many who are not lucky enough to say the same.
Thank you so very much for this post today. I needed it, and I love that I get the opportunity to pass it on.
Panic attack at 1am
Huh? What? I am awake – why am I awake?
My right arm is tingling and numb – am I having a heart attack or was I just laying on it funny? Which arm is it that you have to worry about? I should download WebMD so I don’t look stupid if I have to call someone. Continue reading
balancinggal 