My brain can be my worst enemy, and has a tendency to go to the dark side (in a less than comic Star Wars sense) and fills itself negative thoughts faster than I can deal with them. I feel emotions strongly, and I am a bit of an empath to boot which means I tend to suck in the emotions of others on top of my own. While I will refrain from labels, it is a struggle to be fighting your own head all of the time while trying to be a career girl, a wife, a mother and a friend. I’ve done everything I can think of through the years to try to deal with it, medically and otherwise, but recently one of my best coping mechanisms has become walking.
While part of my motivation is health – losing weight is a giant struggle. I can eat well, but it take me as long to lose 5 pounds as others can lose 20. My body does not give up its comfy coat readily, and I hypothesize (because the doctors look at me and shrug) this may be because my brain, in dark places, spends a lot of time in panic/anxiety mode. Maybe nature is trying to protect me from the dangers my brain tells it to expect – or hibernate until it all goes away – I don’t know. But what I have decided is that if I am going to be built like a short, boxy bear, I am going to be a healthy one with strong muscles and an ability to walk for miles without rest…and one who is at more peace with herself and her place in life.
This morning I was restless. I was trying to work and I was getting things done but my brain wasn’t cooperating. I decided to check out a nature trail close by for a quick walk…only to find the entrance flooded.
While I stood looking at it – I decided to hell with it and went right through. And yes, my feet are soggy. And I walked over 2 miles through grasses and wildflowers listening to the squish squish on the gravel. I felt insanely proud that I didn’t let it stop me.
Life is hard. Life is messy, and sometimes soggy. But we are tough, and we own towels, and nothing should ever stop us from doing something that will ultimately make us better and bring us peace. God gave us legs and put us in a world with puddles and rain for a reason, and that link with nature should we embrace it, is a powerful antidote to all the stuff that doesn’t really matter – even if it makes your Nikes smell like swamp it is really the smell of victory.