The Schedule

1:55 am. Respond to screaming baby and try to put him back to sleep. Change diaper. Put permanent dents in chest from leaning over side of crib rubbing infant’s back.

2:18 am. Return to bed. Rescue pillow from pug, try to block out combined snores of husband and dog. Resent hot pillow.

3:34 am. Wake to sound of child’s screams. Try to blot out sound ineffectively. Wake up husband and delegate bottle duty. Lay in bed pretending I am not monitoring activity. Fall back to sleep. Nightmare. Damn.

4:50 am. Wake, remembering that I forgot to send a work email. Panic.

5:50 am. Husband’s 20-year-old alarm goes off – for me. Horrid sports radio. ::shudder:: Force self into shower, away from annoying sound.

6:30 am. Trick daughter into clothes for preschool, search house for hair clip and left shoe. Try not to wake baby.

6:34 am. Woke baby. Cuss under breath. Remind daughter she didn’t hear anything.

7:45 am. Leave house with random food items for lunch.

7:50am. Blow through Dunkin Donuts for the coffee I was giving up. Burn mouth, make note to order iced tomorrow.

8:30am. Arrive at office. Pluck eyebrows in car mirror, apply makeup so as not to scare coworkers.

8:34am. Work. Try not to mess up. Eat lunch at desk, try to remember what day it is. Make note to play Lotto.

6:13pm. Leave office. Report location and status to spouse. Pick up dinner for family.

6:53pm. Walk in house. Drop purse, pick up baby. Hug toddler. Share food. Cuddle and play with kiddos.

7:45pm. Give baby bottle. Hope baby falls asleep before I do.

9pm. Fall asleep in clothes on bed while husband continues to try and wrangle toddler.

::Repeat. Rinse. Pray. ::

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